Relationship Rant Thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Gaear, Dec 22, 2008.

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  1. Half Knight

    Half Knight Gibbering Mouther

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    But that's the point.
    Of course is better to stay away, but you simply can't (whre speaking of love after all)

    Also, some people find that having high standards of achievement gives them focus (and where not speaking of love here).

    That was you?? :p :roll:

    Now seriously, i agree with Gaear and GA82 at some point, that it might been a good thing just to pass by. Not because he could be an ass (actually, he could have been the "perfect" guy), but because things don't work properly that way, so suddendly.

    Nope.
    I'm smart enough to avoid that kind of situation.
    That's how i met the "love of my life".
     
    Half Knight, Jan 1, 2009
    #91
  2. Gaear

    Gaear Bastard Maestro Administrator

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    Don't know ... I suppose because I'm cursed with putting other people's welfare above my own, typically. It's a funny thing - must be hardwired somehow because intellectually I know that's a foolish strategy ... and I pay the price for it all the time. :( But by the time you've gotten past your youth, I don't think you can change those things about yourself anymore, leastways no more than you could change your eye color or your blood type.

    Yes you can ... and you should, for the sake of your own peace of mind.

    Try convincing some kid's parents that he 'did the right thing' by singlemindedly pursuing the 'love of his life' and then killing himself after he failed to catch her. It doesn't wash. Simple heartache is not the limit of the consequences of this nonsense. :shame:
     
    Gaear, Jan 1, 2009
    #92
  3. Emirkol the Chaotic

    Emirkol the Chaotic Proud Polytheist

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    Au contraire, there are still some of us men who STILL DO consider other human beings, especially in the relationship arena. How very true and sad that most don't, however. It gives the rest of us "good guys" a bad rep. I've always said we were a dying breed. Good to know there's still a few of us left around.
     
    Emirkol the Chaotic, Jan 1, 2009
    #93
  4. maggit

    maggit Zombie RipTorn Wonka

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    Hmm... I'm getting a bit depressed from reading all that stuff.
    Besides, I had such a lousy time at a New Year's Eve Party I
    went to, I'm depressed even more.

    Anyway, after reading about your experience in relationships I
    don't think I want to get involved in another person's life again.
     
    maggit, Jan 1, 2009
    #94
  5. GuardianAngel82

    GuardianAngel82 Senior Member

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    My stepmother said about my father: As you get older, you become more like who you are. I'm not sure I agree, though. I think you just change more slowly. But, for you not to change your habits as you get older means you had the habits in the first place.

    I agree with on this, though, the pursuit of "greatness" for it's own sake is silly, wastes time and energy and is ultimately self-destructive. Where we disagree, I think, is that I think that the "impossibility" of a task shouldn't prevent you from trying something. Where we would agree again, I think, is that failure shouldn't be allowed to crush you.

    Honestly, I think the most important thing we teach in our karate school is how to fall. :yes:

    EDIT: Hey, Maggit! Happy New Year! You ninjad me back! :ninja:
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2009
    GuardianAngel82, Jan 1, 2009
    #95
  6. Gaear

    Gaear Bastard Maestro Administrator

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    Why the lousy time?

    That's the spirit! (Can I add maggit to my team? I'm still outnumbered. ;))

    It's all a lie anyway. The sooner you get your head around that, the sooner you can get back on your feet and get on with all those mundane things in life you've been missing ... like playing/modding ToEE. :yes:
     
    Gaear, Jan 1, 2009
    #96
  7. Emirkol the Chaotic

    Emirkol the Chaotic Proud Polytheist

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    Dude, DO NOT think that way. TRUST ME. Part of growing up emotionally is dealing with the pain of failed relationships, friendships, and good deeds gone awry. To give into that depression and never getting involved in ANYONE'S life is to succumb to complete and utter failure. That way leads to even more pain and madness.

    I once had a good friend that constantly talked like your current post. He is STILL the most depressed and miserable person I have ever met, and he has no one but himself to blame. To this day, he still BLAMES me for his current marriage and is jealous of my marriage and family situation. The fool just didn't get the fact that I worked hard and long and suffered greatly just to get to this happy point.

    BTW, not bashing alcohol here at all, but if you're already down, it's New Years Eve, and you're drinking... you're gonna get depressed. Go find some strong coffee, a greasy, fried, meal, and vegetate. It's fine for today. Tomorrow, well, worry about that tomorrow.

    Unless of course you can see the future, in which case, why are you even dealing with us here!
     
    Emirkol the Chaotic, Jan 1, 2009
    #97
  8. Gaear

    Gaear Bastard Maestro Administrator

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    Okay, seriously ...

    I think we're throwing around the depression term a bit loosely here, for one. Depression is a clinical illness that results from a chemical imbalance in the brain. From what I understand, it can be brought about by severe emotional trauma, like hard breakups, deaths, etc. What it is not is 'the blues.' maggit (quite understandably) most likely just has the blues. Everyone gets them. So let's not get too carried away with the whole depression thing. If a person is really depressed, they've got far bigger problems than just some simple broken relationship.

    Additionally, I don't believe people are really much helped by pep talks. ("Chin up, old boy! It'll all be fine in no time!") Who wants to hear that when you feel like crap? Much better IMO to level with them. If somebody has the blues over a broken relationship, tell them the truth and agree that yes, it sucks, and yes, you're probably justified in your disillusion. Maybe even inject some humor by way of exaggeration. They'll appreciate and be able to feed off this honesty much more effectively, and they won't feel like they're being patronized (which is probably what the ex did in the last days).

    I disgaree, within the proper context. Who gets to define 'complete and utter failure' anyway, and why is that mitigated by being involved in someone's life? I'm here to tell you, first hand, that this way (when pursued not as an escape but as a counterbalance) does not lead to 'pain and madness,' but to simple contentedness (after you've shrugged off all the baggage from your previous injuries). I'm not saying you should become a monk if you don't want to; most people like having someone in their life. But you should temper your involvement with people so that you're not so vulnerable. Realize that relationships come and go, and that's it's not such a big deal when they do. Don't make your life or happiness depend on them. That's something that's inside you. The person you idolize doesn't deserve that kind of treatment, no matter who they are. There's only one way to go when you're put on a pedestal, and that's down.

    Not saying your way isn't legitimate or that it hasn't worked for you, but there are other ways, and they don't have to be cop outs.
     
    Gaear, Jan 1, 2009
    #98
  9. Scryler

    Scryler Night's Wordsmith

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    I'm thinking I'm not as romantic as it may appear. I, too, have decided I don't want another relationship (barring another 'lightning bolt' experience).

    As far as the 'love of my life' is concerned, I think I mean chemistry. Overpowering chemistry. (Hoping that it leads to love.) And Gaear, in some respects you are right. Chemistry can be walked away from, most of the time. And a lot of the romance mythology is just lies. But not all of it. And sometimes you just want to drown in the chemistry. (Or wallow in it, maybe.)

    I doubt very much if I could have a relationship with someone unless there was chemistry...at least in the beginning.

    And here I go contradicting myself...a friend of mine said "Once you have experienced love, you have to love again. Love is just too good." I think she is probably right. But then, she is a romantic.

    @Maggit Does your bad party experience have anything to do with the opening discussion in this thread? The break up with your GF?
     
    Scryler, Jan 1, 2009
    #99
  10. maggit

    maggit Zombie RipTorn Wonka

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    Well, no... not exactly. It just made me feel more pessimistic and
    made me say I don't want to get involved...
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2009
    maggit, Jan 1, 2009
    #100
  11. Gaear

    Gaear Bastard Maestro Administrator

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    Quid pro quo, maggit ;): why did the party make you feel pessimistic? C'mon, you'll feel better by sharing.

    btw, you know what you need to do if you're feeling the doldrums - go grab the guitar and have at it. Write your new magnum opus.
     
    Gaear, Jan 2, 2009
    #101
  12. Shiningted

    Shiningted I changed this damn title, finally! Administrator

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    O yah, thats what the guitar is for. I only suffered a genuine depression once in my life, and finally got out of it by writing a song. If its just 'the blues', play it out.
    Can't agree there, Gaear - better to have loved and lost...
     
    Shiningted, Jan 2, 2009
    #102
  13. Gaear

    Gaear Bastard Maestro Administrator

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    Yeah, that's what they say (who are 'they' anyway? :twitch: ) ... maybe so. But is it still better to love and lose over and over again?
     
    Gaear, Jan 2, 2009
    #103
  14. Emirkol the Chaotic

    Emirkol the Chaotic Proud Polytheist

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    Re-read my last comment, and yeah, it could have been worded better IMO.

    I used depression loosely, I admit. Clinical depression is not fun. Nor is any mental illness.

    OK, need to get off this "mental illness" dealie before I de-rail another thread.
     
    Emirkol the Chaotic, Jan 2, 2009
    #104
  15. Gaear

    Gaear Bastard Maestro Administrator

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    Us good guys already have a bad rep: we always finish last. :( ;)

    I don't dispute that the behaviors were always there, just that they become more difficult to change as you get older. They're more a part of who you are as opposed to who you might be.
     
    Gaear, Jan 2, 2009
    #105
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