Irrelevant Tangents

Why? You're a guy. You fixed it.

 

Thanks, GA! :hug:

 

The battle of wits has commenced.

I was lazing outside on the porch today, reading Donald Tyson's Necronomicon: Wanderings of Al-Ahzred, whittling and sipping diet wild cherry pepsi and enjoying the sunny 62 degrees with 5 MPH winds. What do you think I spied?

I saw him.

I watched him come out from under the porch and walk around MY yard while I'M sitting on the porch. I didn't make a sound or move. I watched him for about 4 or 5 minutes and then he went back under the porch through the door of his remodeling project.

I am going to keep on sitting outside and hope that he becomes accustomed to seeing me. My strategy is to lull him into a false sense of security. Then, one day in the near future, roughly about 6 or 7 weeks from now, after he's grown used to me and I'm fully healed, I'm going to ambush him. A surprise sneak attack when his guard is down. I'm going to start crafting a +5 Keen/Piercing/Impaling/Slaying 7' long spear, made from a branch off of The One Tree in my yard. I am going to pin his @$$ to the ground, look into his eyes as their last light flickers out and take his pelt and hang it over his former hole dug under the porch as a warning totem to all other rodents. I'm coming in riding a pale horse, and hell follows with me.

 

Necro, you do realize that this isn't going to end well for you.

The skunk has already outsmarted you once.

He's the Joe Pesci in Goodfellas of skunks. You come after him with a bat, he comes after you with a knife. You go after him with a gun, you better kill him 'cause he's gonna keep coming after you.

With you luck, you'll kill him and he'll come back as a ZOMBIE skunk.

ToEE community, say hello to Patient Zero... Necro!!

Run for your lives!!

 

J, N and myself just came back from a wonderful Italian meal at our newly favourite restaurant.

We had been there a few times before but last month had the wonderful opportunity to be served by Chrystal, one of the greatest, most intelligent (and I damn well mean that!!!) waitresses' we've ever had the pleasure to have known.

She's now the one that we ask for every time we go. Once again, a most wonderful evening with her.

I truly say that if I wasn't married and she wasn't engaged, I'd definitely be asking her out. J even agrees with this. And I love J more than life itself.

So now, good readers, not only do we have our Greek fix (many kudos to Dmitrios!) covered but our Italian fix as well.

It's great to have wait-staff at your favourite eateries that you want to come back to!

 

Now this is my kind of woman! I'd beat the hell out of a bear with a zucchini! I've killed grizzly bears with a watermelon!

Montana woman fends off bear with zucchini
A Montana woman fended off a bear trying to muscle its way into her home Thursday by pelting the animal with a large piece of zucchini from her garden.

By: AP, Associated Press

HELENA, Mont. — A Montana woman fended off a bear trying to muscle its way into her home Thursday by pelting the animal with a large piece of zucchini from her garden.

The woman suffered minor scratches and one of her dogs was wounded after tussling with the 200-pound bear.

The incident happened just after midnight when the woman let her three dogs into the backyard for a run before she headed to bed, Missoula County Sheriff's Lt. Rich Maricelli said. Authorities believe the black bear was just 25 yards away, eating apples from a tree.

Two of the dogs sensed the bear, began barking and ran away, Maricelli said. The third dog, a 12-year-old collie that wasn't very mobile, remained close to the woman as she stood in the doorway of the home near Frenchtown in western Montana.

Before she knew what was happening, the bear was on top of the dog and batting the collie back and forth, Maricelli said.

“She kicked the bear with her left leg as hard as she could, and she said she felt like she caught it pretty solidly under the chin,” Maricelli said.

But as she kicked, the bruin swiped at her leg with its paw and ripped her jeans.

The bear then turned its full attention to the woman in the doorway. She retreated into the house and tried to close the door, but the bear stuck its head and part of a shoulder through the doorway.

The woman held onto the door with her right hand. With her left, she reached behind and grabbed a 14-inch zucchini that she had picked from her garden earlier and was sitting on the kitchen counter, Maricelli said.

She threw the vegetable. It bopped the bruin on the top of its head and the animal fled, Maricelli said.

The woman called for help from a relative staying with her. They found the collie outside, unable to move, and took it to a veterinarian.

The dog appeared to be fine on Thursday, but the vet was keeping it for observation, Maricelli said.

The woman did not need medical attention for the scratches on her leg, though she got a tetanus shot as a precaution, Maricelli said.

Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks officials set up a trap in an attempt to capture the bear, the agency said in a statement.

Besides the nearby fruit trees, there wasn't anything on the woman's property that would attract a bear into the backyard, such as garbage or livestock feed, wildlife officials said.

Maricelli interviewed the woman, but said the sheriff's office was complying with her wish not to identify her.

“She was very, very shaken, and it kind of took the humor portion out of it for me,” Maricelli said. "She said it had this horrific growl and was snarling.

“(But) she can see the humor in it, and she wanted the story put out so the local residents can take precautionary measures,” he added.

 

I have a pecan tree, a pear tree, a peach tree and a fig tree in my back yard, and I too have a vicious predator problem: swarms of deadly squirrels. I'm lucky they allow me to go out to my car in the morning. It's like Hitchcock's "The Birds", except they lust after my nuts instead of my eyes.

 

The zombie squirrels have moved to your house!

 

The US military is currently involved in a top secret project. They are hyper-cloning hundreds of thousands of Brock Lesnars from the original's DNA. Imagine every soldier in the military being a real Captain America/Hulk. No one had better get into a ground war with us.

His career will end after he accidentally kills someone in the ring.

 

Brock is already the product of an old German breeding experiment smuggled to the U.S. after WWII. His career will end when it is discovered he has a PHD, likes Mozart and is a REALLY nice guy.

The most highly decorated U.S. soldier ever was Audi Murphy, a little guy. The most highly decorated U.S. combat unit ever was the 442 RCT "Go for Broke", a unit of Nisei, Japanese Americans.

The big, scary guys don't really have to be mean to get along. It's the little guy with a bad attitude who's not going to give you a second chance.

 

Ya, but he's as far from mean as it gets. Really nice guy. The problem is that he has so much power and speed for being a huge badass, eventually an accident will happen. I mean, this guy is the real one. There are no steroids in this guy. He's just a genuine farm boy who grew up in Minnesota throwing around haystacks and then decided to train his body to a point of optimum strength/speed.

I was watching his last 2 UFC fights this morning. In UFC 116, he fought Shane Carwin. He won in the beginning of the 2nd round after making Carwin tap out because his neck was right on the verge of snapping like a twig, and Carwin is not a small man by any means.

I also like to watch his training videos. Insane. His training regimen would kill me in short order. I'd hate to be the guinea pig who has to spar with him.

 

You know the old saying: "The bigger they are, the harder they hit."

 

Shopping around for a new furnace... interesting and enlightening. And a bit tiring. 2 quotes down, 3 more to go.

 

Over 80% of all paper money in the US has traces of methamphetamine on it. That comes from bills being rolled up in order to snort it. What they so casually forget to mention is that if over 80% of all bills have traces of meth on them, all of those same bills also have traces of booger on them, particularly on the ends. And think of how many people you've seen idly playing with paper money, holding it in their mouth while they reach to get something, etc.

 

I know, how funny is that?

My older brother once tricked me into believing that if you lick a dollar bill it will always be accepted in a vending or change making machine.

I went around licking my dollar bills for almost a year until someone told me about the same facts you disclosed, well back then it was cocaine that was most prevalent on money.