Relationship Rant Thread

Was just browsing over at Sorcerer's Place and realized that here at Co8, we somehow don't have that proverbial thread of all internet forums, the Official Relationship Rant Thread. TM

No doubt you've all got your stories to tell, particularly now during the silly season, so if you're so inclined please use this space to tell your tales of joy or woe. It might make for an entertaining diversion during this typically slow-modding downtime, if nothing else.

 

A-ha, we have a taker! Dr. Gaear on duty.

Yes, yes, the 'friends' condition. It is --

Wait a minute, I suppose I should ask first: do you actually want to hear this from me? I warn you that my analysis will cut straight to the quick, but that it is the best way in the end. I also warn you that I don't necessarily know what I'm talking about any more than the next guy ... except that I've played a part in literally hundreds of these things. :blank:

The relationship guru I'm not, but the guy who's seen it played out in the real world to wearisome lengths I am. Plus, there's always the HKs and GAs (and everyone else who cares to participate) out there to counterbalance me.

 

Very brave of you to volunteer yourself to that end, Mr. Maggit. :yes:

And in the same spirit, I think I'll hold off with my take until others have had an opportunity to speak here. This may end up a very participation-heavy topic ... After all, who hasn't been there before?

 

Unfortunately, when kids are involved (as is the case with me) being friends with the ex (or at least civil to...) is a must, otherwise it all gets very messy and expensive with layers, court dates and all the bells a whistles that go along with it.

I'm still friends with a few of my other ex's, one moved away, one got married, the most recent though, ignored me for months, I'd arrangedates, she wouldn't show up at, meh, not worth the bother anymore says I.

 

IMO, if the breakup was mutual, then there is some small chance that you could be 'friends' down the road. However, I believe that in order to get to that point you have to avoid each other until any greater feelings have faded away (otherwise you've got alterior motives beyond mere friendship). The thing is, by the time you've gotten beyond the relationship thing, you'll probably find that you have no reason or desire to even be friends, so the whole thing is kind of pointless (and a little sad).

OTOH, if one of you dumped the other, then 'the friends promise' officially becomes 'the friends lie,' because it will go on only so long as it takes the dumper to rationalize that he/she's done the right thing before they completely blow the dumpee off (unreturned calls, missed meetings as Allyx says, etc.). The length of this period depends entirely on the dumper's inclination to feel guilt, which probably won't last long because the dumpers always soon marginalize the suffering the dumpee is enduring (because they're not suffering, so what does anything else matter?). In these cases it's best for the dumpee to sever the ties immediately and begin the difficult process of getting on with their lives, because they won't do that as long as they're not facing the reality that it's over. They'll just continue to suffer.

So in the end, I don't see much point in trying to remain friends with an ex, beyond the need for the welfare of third parties like children. This says alot about the frivolous nature of the whole relationship thing itself, because if you've got even a shred of humanity you'd like to think that a friendship (of whatever kind) worth building is a friendship worth keeping. Sadly that's just not so. People do this kind of crap to each other all the time, day in and day out. :blank:

 

I believe that's theoretically posible too, although very rare, because it's just a biological fact that sooner or later the sex issue becomes significant between males and females - at least heterosexual ones. But if there were somehow a scenario where you knew someone of the opposite sex and never had any feelings or desires for them, and that issue simply didn't factor in for whatever reason at any time, including into the future, then sure you could be regular old friends. Where there are relationship or sexual histories though, it seems very unlikely. You can act like nothing more than friends, but it will always be a bit of a lie because of what was there before ... unless you're somehow able to utterly purge that from your memory(s), but honestly, who can really do that?

I'd still like to think (call me naive if you must ) that with most people, where there is sex or desire there is emotion - love, jealously, whatever else might go into the mix. And emotions by their very nature can't be controlled; they just are. Therefore you're claiming to have control over a matter that intrinsically can't be controlled. It's a fundamental contradiction ... except for 'whores' (those for whom human contact is nothing more than a biological function) of whatever variety, male or female. :shrug: