101 Reasons Sorcerers are Better than Wizards

-Sorcerers are not as bad as Wizards. (my bro's contribution)

-Well, Sorcerers are better casters than bards.

-Good female Sorcerers usually look better than Wizards.

-What's the first thing that a wizard does in the morning?
He wakes up!

(Every joke you read is follow by a jingle, you know, the ones
they have in sketches. )

 

I don't know if this is any help, but it's funny.

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

 

Q. why are wizards boring?

A. because they aren't very spontaneous.

Q. How many wizards does it take to light a candle?

A. I'm sorry I didn't prepare that spell today.

Q. Whats the difference between a wizards and and a senile fool who collects scrapes of paper?

A. there's a difference?

Q. Why do wizards make good necromancers?

A. Because they have no life.

Q. Why do wizards have poor charisma?

A. because they keep on waving their wands 'round in public.

 

There once was a wizard from Soull
Who decided to travel this Fall
With spells all prepared
He was soon to be dead
Because he teleported into a wall

[Edit] It might just be my accent but it does rhyme when I say it. words like wool and wall have very little difference in how you say them.

 

Hey, you wanted corny jokes. Actually the last
one was found on a corny joke site. ;P Oh, they
weren't funny in Polish either. ;D

 

OK, fell free to edit this if you like. :giggle:

When is an elf wizard not an elf?

When he's got his head up a sorceress's skirt......then he's a goblin. elvicthr



ps......like I said feel free to edit or delete

 

Here's another weak one, remember you asked for them


Three wizards were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had their wives.

The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.

They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees."

Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.

The man replied,"Well, I was laying under the bed and she crawled over and said, "Come out and fight like a man!".

 

That unfortunate bastard must've married Fruella!

EDIT - Joke (adapted for the WoG setting):

12 wizards from Lopolla began raping a girl from Schwartzenbruin.

She began screaming "Nein, Nein!"

...so, 3 of them left.

 

A few more...

How can you tell that a wizard's been into your spell components?
They leave tracks in the bat guano.

Why do wizards paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in the strawberry patch.

Why do wizards hide in the strawberry patch?
So they can fireball people!

Why do wizards fireball people?
'Cause it's more hideous than that stupid laughter thingie.

What wears robes, has a wand, and goes round & round in circles?
A wizard stuck in a revolving door.

What did the cat say to the wizard?
Meow.

What's the difference between a wizard and peanut butter?
Wizard doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.

Why do wizards have pale, clammy skin?
To keep their insides from falling out.

What should you do to a blue wizard?
Cheer him up.

What should you do with a green wizard?
Wait for him to get ripe.

What should you do with a red wizard?
Stop telling her dirty jokes.

What should you do with a yellow wizard?
Try to teach him to be more brave.

What should you do with a white wizard?
Hold his nose until he turns blue.

How do you get down off a wizard?
You don't - you get down off a goose....
-or-
Beat him with a blunt instrument until the feathers come out.

 

Spamming away with more...

------------------

One wish to each
Three wizards were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.

After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."

The first said, "I wish I were smarter."

So, she became a cleric.

The second wizard said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."

She became a druid.

The third wizard ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"

So, she became a Sorceress.

-------------------

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a wizard.

Q: How do you get a one-armed wizard out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

Q: How do you get a wizard's eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a Bullseye lantern in his ears.

Q: How do you make a wizard's eyes light up?
A: Cast a Light spell in their ear.

Q: What does a wizard do when someone says its "chilly" outside?
A: He grabs a bowl.

Q: How do you describe a wizard, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

Q: How do you confuse a wizard?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why couldn't the wizard write the number eleven?
A: He didn't know what number came first.

Q: What do you call a Sorcerer with 90% of his intelligence gone?
A: Wizard.

Q: How did the wizard try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the wizard break his leg raking leaves?
A: He fell out of the tree.

Q: How did the wizard die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on him.

Q: How did the wizard burn his nose?
A: Lighting his pipe with "Produce Fire".

Q: Why did it take the wizard seven days to teleport from Verbobonc to Greyhawk?
A: Because he thought it was "Nyr Dyv".

 

If I have such bad jokes then I'm not gonna tell anything on April Fool's.

Gotcha

Q: How do you know when your talking to a Necromancer?
A: By his grave manner.

[Jingle]

 

Ok, a few more

Q: What did the Burne's Badger say when he dragged a Wizard wrapped in chains out of the river?
A: Just like a Wizard, tried to steal more chains than he could swim with.

Q: How do Wizard brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you amuse a Wizard for hours?
A: Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: Why do Wizards have TGIF on thier shoes?
A: TOES GO IN FIRST.

Q: What do you get when you give a Wizard a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.