Cougars are sadists

So, I was out on my daily walk today. I'm 2 miles into it and I normally go about 3 miles, sometimes a little more or a little less. At the 2 mile mark, I meet up with a cougar. We talk, she loves me, so we keep walking and talking together. The problem is that I only go for 3 miles and was almost done, but she had just started! It would have been rude of me to just leave her all alone and defenseless out there walking by herself! So I keep walking her to grandma's house, to make sure the big bad wolf doesn't get her. She walks 4-6 miles a day! Thank christ she only did 4 miles today, making me walk 6 miles! Double my regular walk! I'm freaking crippled! I think she knew I wasn't up to her standard but she forced me to walk longer anyways! Absolutely heartless. I like that. She gave me her number so we can walk again but next time it will be more even, hopefully. And hopefully it won't be 85 again. Thank god it wasn't humid or I'm sure I would've passed out around the 4th + mile.

 

As a man VERY HAPPILY married to a woman 10 years his senior, I can say...

NICE!!!

Cool thing with the mature ladies; they've seen it all and heard it all so you never have to worry about any of the phony "guy impressing girl crap". They can see through BS a mile a way. No need to play the "games".

Be yourself, be honest, and your in.

Oh wait, we're talking about Necro.

Hmm, maybe it is better to create a different persona. Wouldn't want a repeat of that unfortunate incident involving local law enforcement. oke:

 

I am one smooth talking, silver-tongued bastard when I want to be. Talk the fur right off a bear. I trained for it nightly during my drinking days at bar close. At close, you have to be able to talk it up or else you're SOL. Or if that don't work, buy her a roofie-colada for the last drink of the night. Either way. It's probably easier with the roofie-colada but it may weigh heavily on your conscience, if you have one. It's better to chat them up and be 98% sure on no involvement from a member in good standing of the Benevolent Order Of Police And Peace Officers Association.

The cool thing about a nice cougar is that they aren't looking for a long term relationship. They already been through all of that. They just want to use you until you're nothing but a dessicated husk and can move on to the next victim. I fully encourage this. I think cougars have much in common with black widows.

 

I'd think the egg theory might be fine for 'youngish' cougars. But what about the ones past producing eggs? Most (I'm guessing here) of our genetic code dates way back. And women did not live very long way back. Or even in more recent times. I believe that 30 was ancient. So just how young would a man have to be if a woman in their say late 20's was a cougar I wonder? Food for thought? Or not.

 

Back then? I would say in the area from 9-14. Unfortunately, this isn't as ridiculous as it sounds because kids are experimenting with sex earlier and earlier, seems like every time I turn around or turn on the news, you see a very sad story of some 12 or 13 year old girl being pregnant.

As an aside, what are older men called that younger women pick up on? What's the male version of the cougar? A wolf, maybe?

 

Younger college aged women have sex almost constantly so if women ages 27-45 have more sex, that's a lot of sex. How do I get involved with this study? I am more than willing to sacrifice my time for the better understanding of female sexual behavior. If the scientists pay me, so much the better.

 

Ya, I suppose. The woman I met while walking is only 46 and I'm 41. That's about as cougar as I can go. I don't really see there being too many 60+ year old cougars. I think a 60+ year old would be called a shar-pei.

 

Women live longer, thus they should be older!

 

So 37 vs. 48 = no cougar? :scratchhe

 

I've never thought of a 10 year difference as qualifying for cougar status.

 

Uh oh. I've classified our relationship, all the way to marriage, wrong.

That can't be good.

 

Cougars can be defined many different ways...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cougar

I'm thinking #14 is the most accurate...

A distinguished species of older females who seek the company of younger males whilst avoiding the entanglements of a relationship, in favor of a lack of restrictions.

The cougar woman has overcome society’s proscribed behavior for women’s sexual behavior. Thus, she embraces her true self and lives her life to the fullest. She know what she wants and isn’t afraid to hunt for it!

There are several species of cougars, but an insatiable sexual appetite and a lack of interest in marriage and other conventional romantic institutions are common to all.

Man, check out the Cougar by the bar, she’s like way hotter than your mom.