Relationship Rant Thread

I just had a WONDERFUL talk with my ex this afternoon. Just before lunch, in fact.

NOW there's an appetite suppressant! :roll:

The reason I'm posting now is because I'm CALM. I actually tried posting here much earlier but found that the frustration and anger were clouding my thinking WAY too much.

After having a good talk with J and looking at the situation with a more clear head, I must remember to thanks the Gods for what I have now. My situation with my ex and with N, could be SO much worse and SO much more painful than it ever needed to be.

I doesn't matter how many battles I may lose with the ex, even when logic, reason, sound thinking, common sense, etc are on my side. What matters is that N is raised in the best environment I (and J and the ex) can give him, leaving our "disagreements" outside of that as much as possible.

It's frustrating. VERY frustrating to deal with her at times. But over the years, I've learned to handle it in a much better manner. A more relaxed manner.

It scares me sometimes when I realized how much I've grown and matured in these last 6 years..... but it's a GOOD kind of scary! :thumbsup:

 

Outstanding! :clap:

When ex's fight, the children can be made to feel very insecure. The one parent trashes the other around a child, they are also trashing the child. When one parent hurts the other, they are also hurting their children. When the custodial parent is living well, so is the child.

There have been times when I felt taken advantage of or treated unfairly, then I would tell myself to grow the **** up. There isn't anything else as important in my life as those kids. I even learned to stop telling people that my son's half-brothers "weren't mine."

 

Thanks!

If you could have seen inside my head that day... some of the thoughts I was having we're scaring even me! And that's hard to do.

 

Hey! GA82!

How are you doing?

What's up with A? And C? And the rest?

 

A: We seem to have drifted apart. She's been under a lot of stress at work, and she doesn't handle that well. It takes a lot of her enthusiasm away. We had dinner about a week ago and she looked at me like she wanted help. But, when I offered, she would look down and shake her head no. There's clearly something I'm not getting. She didn't pick up when I called tonight. I'm more worried about her than I am about the relationship.

I've already gone out with N, a Punjabi engineer. Probably not going to lead to anything.

C: She's is broken up with H, her plans for her new business are kaput and she's working a lot. She's not trying to hang out with me and I understand. I'm just worried she's going to go into one of her self-destructive bad periods. I helped abort the last one, and didn't see her for 8 months in the previous.

Little A, Mom of M & M: My original basket case. She lost her first daughter, and left her bi-polar husband a half-dozen times, while trying to take care of 2 little girls and complete her college degree. She survived her self-destructive period, got a decent teaching position, her husband's on meds, her brother's out of prison, her mother has recovered from being hit by a car and her father is still living with his boyfriend. We still run around occasionally, but she doesn't need me anymore. She can handle it. Kid shoulda been a Marine.

L, mom of T, with her sister K: The father of L's 4 month old boy is in jail, their Dad is crazy, in bad health and alcoholic, and both girls are manipulative and immature. K is the only one working, as dad's on disability and L can't pass a drug test. They all live together in one house. T is an agreeable and personable little guy, which makes me think L and K love him and take care of him, which makes me think they are worth the effort. I ran around with L and T Sunday, and K and T today. I've known L, K and their little sister S since they were preschool. K is my secret hope here, she's the meanest of the bunch.

You asked for it. You got it.

 

Well here's some bright sunshine for a somewhat "dark" thread.....

Have you ever hasd one of ths moments when in the midst of one of those "serious discussions" you look into the eyes of the one you love and realize just HOW much you love them?

I had one of those situations last night. J and I had a "serious" type talk over trying to get "in sync" with each other again. When one of us is "ready", the other isn't and vice versa. It wasn't a "problem" per se, but it could have easily led to more serious "issues" and "bruised feelings" if it when undiscussed.

It was amazing. Once again, I felt my "old ways" trying so desparately to manifest themselves, screaming and raging in some of the darker areas of my mind. Yet the voices were faint, and continued to grow fainter as we talked. I barely even gave them notice. Just a qucik acknowledgement that they were "there" but of no use or help to the given situation. I remarked to J that it must be that complete and utter love I have for her, that kept me from falling back to the immature young asshole I was so many years ago. Once again, her presence in my life has proven its benefit millions of times over.

The issues were resolved without tears, hard words, or even hurt feelings. Just some laughs and a lots of holding each other. Gods how I love that woman!!

 

Scryler made a good suggestion on her last post about what all of us Fathers are doing for Mother's Day.

For me, N and I are taking off on Saturday for a little M-Day shopping for both J's. My J and my ex, J. Yes, I married TWO different women who's first names being with the same letter. Just not at the same time, mind you....

Neither "mom" is looking for anything, really. At least nothing expensive, extravagent, etc., like you're supposed to believe from the TV adverts. They both gave me a few ideas that "us boys" will try to act on.

My own mom's been gone for over 10 years now, so there's not a heck of a lot for me to do or celebrate there. My Dad's new wife, while technically my step-mother, really doesn't qualify for that role. She came into my Dad's life waaaay after I had entered into adulthood and had moved on with my own personal life. Had my Mom passed away when I was still a kid (or even in High School) and she came in, then the situation would've been different.

N will be lucky enough to spend M-Day with my J for part of the day and then back with his mom, the other J, in the afternoon. No hard feelings or ill will between the two moms, thankfully.

Makes Dad's life a helluva lot easier!! :thumbsup:

 

Relationships

Can I vent? Good.

I just ended a relationship about 3 minutes ago. It sucked. Here is the thing, the girl is wonderful, amazing, and sweet. Almost everything I have been looking for. So why did I end it?

It is because she is not looking for a long term thing. Now, I am not necessarily either, but I can see myself building a lot of feelings for her. We have only been dating two months, but she has told me that she has a ton of issues with men (all justified, she has dated idiots) and is jaded to the long term relationship thing. I appreciate her honesty, because it let me see the future.

It would have been 2-12 months of her doing sweet things for me. I would have been falling for her, and she would not have been falling for me. I would have end up being really hurt in the end when she was eventually not at my level. Even now she is not at my level. Its not that I am seeking to marry her in the next 2 years, but whenever I have asked her to do something with my friends, it is always a no. When asked about this, she says she doesnt want to become too involved in my life because it builds a level of commitment she is uncomfortable with.

So for the last two months I have been in a limbo relationship. More than friends with benefits because she is always doing nice things for me. Less than bf/gf because she is unwilling to get involved in my life (and meet my friends). And, she has flatly told me she is not looking for anything serious.

So, I hope I did the right thing and I am saving myself heartache. But right now, I feel like an asshole.

 

Re: Relationships

I'm with Gaear on this one.

You have to take risks sometimes. This is one of them.

 

Re: Relationships

What about all that 'If you love them, let them go and see if they come back' type stuff.

She is the one telling me directly she does not believe in long term commitment/marriage. Am I supposed to wait blindly?

 

Re: Relationships

Don't, you'll waste your life thinking 'what if'.

 

Re: Relationships

I guess you can always choose to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Why not just take what's offered? You can't read the future. I've tried many times, and I've never been able to do that. You don't know where it will lead...and neither does she.

If it doesn't go anywhere? You'll survive that.

On the other hand...if you are coming on too hard and too fast, you are probably scaring her. Settle back and see what being friends is like...