'Cavern' Story Discussion Thread

Completely correct. For all parties to be able to benefit from any "see invisibility" spell it would have to be an area effect dispel. The single person spell only benefits the caster (or the one it's cast on).

 

So what do you think, based on what I wrote? Ok? Or not? Yes? No? Maybe?

And thanks, for both posts.

 

I already have 1 LG character, Hador. I think it works for her because of the obligation (the axe). And she doesn't worship the 'new god(s).'

I haven't planned on many undead, but that doesn't mean they won't pop up.

I will have a bard and a rogue (who I multiclass into a wizard, not sure yet) and a fighter. That leaves 2, maybe 3 characters to go. A barbarian? A pure wizard? A druid? I am undecided. Plus, the story seems to have a life of it's own, now...dunno what might result.

Ideas?

 

You're quite welcome!

I'm going to go back and re-read from beginning to end, again before I give any comments. Don't want to miss any details, etc.

 

OK, read it through and here are some thoughts....

If Splice is telling the story, why not change your narration of the entire tale to Splice himself, as you do in your italicsed entries? It's a mean undertaking, I agree, but it would help with the overall continuity and give a more personal feel to the story. It would also open up opportunities for humorous or touching scenes, etc. As it stands, it's a little "play by play".

Be careful with your spell descriptions, try to avoid using actual spell names (Protection from Evil, Fire bolts, etc.) You can still get your effect and meaning across with some colourful descriptions.

Being a role playing geek, I need to point out that Lizard Men would not use lances, but rather crude spears or javelins. (I sound like Basil the Timid, now, eh?)

Your main character's name changes a few times throughout the story. You may also want to edit down the rest/resupply descriptions as well. Listing every detail, unless it was important to the plot or that scene, seems a bit cumbersome, again almost a little "play by play".

Loved the Red Dwarves! And a FEMALE warrior to boot? WOW. Talk about shaking up Dwarf society as we know it! You do have the Dwarves overall dispositions and never ending grudges down to a T!

All in all, a good start. I enjoyed it and look forward to reading more. Keep it up, Scry! :thumbsup:

 

I want to have 3 'voices' in the story. Things will get tied in eventually.

That's going to be difficult. I'll try. Copywrite issues?

I agree.

I am pleased with the Red Dwarves, too. I did not plan for it to go the way it did.

I am glad you like it. Keep in mind that this is more or less a first draft, even if I am doing some editing along the way.

Thanks for the input.

 

Fair enough.

No, it just seemed "cheesy" to state "casts protection from evil". It seems a little pen and papery.

It always seems to go that way, doesn't it.

Oh, I do. I do. I actually held back some. oke:
Seriously, it's just meant as constructive criticism, tell me th F** off any time you'd like! :thumbsup:

As always, my dear, you're welcome! :hug:

 

ADDENDUM:

If you plan on telling the story from Spice's point of view, think of how he would see things as a bird actually would. A "bird's eye view" so to speak.

 

Rant:

I just lost what I was working on, close to a whole page. My fault. Didn't save it soon enough. Grrrr.

 

What caused the loss? :gotmyatte

 

I was working on the page, went outside to smoke, got in a conversation with the woman next door...long conversation...and went back in tried to save what I'd done, and it logged me out.

I took too long, basically. Won't make that mistake again.

 

Following the word 'training' in post 23 in the Cavern story, there is an asterisk. I don't know why it is there, and I can't get rid of it.

Anybody know what's going on with that?

 

Thanks! :yes:

 

Hmmm...

If you didn't know why it was there and could remove it, yet Geaer, somehow was able to....