In the Service of Her Majesty The Queen

It was cold enough, my first visit to the porch,
to blow steam along with the smoke. Shortly
after, on the second visit, the air was warmer.
The sun is powerful in the semi-tropics. Inside
again, my hands are cold, however, and move
slowly on the keys, my brain stiff, preoccupied
with fear of rejection.

Washed clean by the recent rains, the leaves
of the tall live oaks around and near my place
catch the light sent by the sun, and shine, a
multitude of green jewels, a gift I take with
gratitude. I seek out beauty, take pleasure
in small things today.

Perhaps my garbage can theory is correct,
the waste trucks came yesterday, the cans
in the neighborhood are empty and covered,
the buzzards flock and soar elsewhere. A
lone crow croaks in the distance, lost to sight;
the crows can come, I do not dislike crows or
ravens.

A few songbirds flutter about reluctantly,
I think, perhaps it takes awhile for their
wings and throats to warm up, too, even
as my fingers. Leaving their nests, the squirrels
go to ground, finding and digging up the acorns,
busy, busy squirrels, industrious, hungry.

Such a strange word, busy: it does not look
like it sounds. It reminds me of the tasks set
for the day, the structure, the obligations
that will drive away the chaos, that I must
follow to keep my promise to the exorcist.

So I wish all of you a good morning; seek
joy today: foster faith, believe in beauty,
and it will find you.

 

I do not believe how crazy my life can get.

I went to a public meeting the other night, took a seat. As usual, I walk in blind, looking only for an empty seat, I rarely look at people in a group when I am in fear or the very first time I attend; I did this in high school, too, and often wound up in the wrong class, not realizing until I got to my chair and someone else was sitting in it.

Guess who I sat down next to? The guy in the supermarket! Weird! But I didn't faint, tg.

To top things off, now I have a secret admirer.

The exorcist is going to have a cow.

 

SO! Are you going to see the super market guy again?

Secret Admirer? Do tell.

People want to know. :gotmyatte

 

I will likely see the supermarket guy repeatedly...I bought black tourmaline today to hold in my hand when I do, to give me strength to ignore him, or at least keep things in perspective.

Secret admirer? I do not tell secrets.

It takes so little to make me happy, and today has been huge; I smile, I smile, I smile even as I think of it, keying in a note before I run the other direction to take care of my errands.

I will not go to work today, as planned. I cannot write what I need to write today for work; it is too great a stretch, too difficult to switch gears. I will try tomorrow. They signed the memorandum of understanding yesterday, and all I had done is the outline of the curriculum, and typed a short opening paragraph. It was enough, I guess. The lawyers wanted to dot every i, yadda yadda, as is their wont, but I was told that the representative of one of the consortium participants blocked them and told them the project was deliberately open-ended--that shut them up. But I still have an obligation and have to report to the exorcist.

I bought the wind chimes, not glass, but green metal. They were expensive; the owner of the shop will pay her electric bill or 2 weeks of groceries with the price. She was also smiling. I'll set them up when I return so I am there when the neighbor who finds fault with everything I do complains.

I think I will just smile at him.

 

Smile at the supermarket guy and make eye contact. Act friendly and have no expectations. You never know...

Sounds like you got some good chimes. A slight breeze is better than a steady one.

How is your neighbor being critical - helpfully or just negative? Smiling works for both, though. Good plan.

 

The exorcist warns me, and gives me specific direction. Burn the Dragon's Blood, keep my commitment, take care. If he could, I think he would have had me swear it in blood.

I will comply.

I go to work tomorrow. I write tonight.

I forgot to tell him about the wind chimes. They won't go up until tomorrow. They are too large to chime in a breeze. I'll hang them close to where I sit, and kick them once in awhile, I think. They are very large, half a leg long. Deep lingering sound, the better to clear the ethereal energies.

Dark when I get home again, I miss the day life go to nest, tree and branch. The owl is elsewhere, seeking mice...too many cats around here to leave much for a hungry owl.

Night chains a silver crescent to it's mantle...the dark moon comes soon...

 

My neighbor. pffft.

 

I almost forgot.


Sleep, so the night falls away.

Sleep, so the sun will rise tomorrow.

Sleep, so you can continue to walk the earth.


G'night, all.

 

The exorcist said some strange things to me last night. I do not know exactly what to think about what he said...doubtless, time will provide clarity. But meanwhile, I have been cautioned to observe what occurs closely, and to make no decisions without his input.

I have chosen to trust the exorcist and it feels like I am on a bridge to where he is at, waiting for me, guiding me across. If I make it across, I think I will surpass him, but sometimes I worry that I will fall off; I do not want to fall, I have fought far too long to lose
my way. The exorcist has faith in me...for now, his promise carries me; my faith ebbs and wanes, surges and waxes, unreliable.

One other I trust, entirely, because he is honest.

He...the exorcist...likes the writing, though. That's a good thing. I was worried he wouldn't.


This morning, the birds were flying about chasing each other; I thought I saw a pair of cardinals. Not to be outdone, the squirrels also ran in the treetops, circling the trunks of the live oaks, leaping and landing to and from the thin tips of the branches. Truly, it is spring, even if the weather chooses to sink back into winter.

Spring has always been my favorite time of year, summer the least, unless I am in the high mountains. Summer is tolerable, there, even as winter is vicious.

Dragon's Blood did not prevent the bells from entering my sleep. The energy gathers, again, as the dark moon comes closer. But the buzzards are busy elsewhere today, another good thing.


Good morning, everyone.

I hope you safely rose from sleep,
I hope your day goes brightly.
I hope you find beauty.

I hope, I hope, always there is hope, no?

 

Yup, Without hope, we've got nothing.

Holding onto hope, now THAT'S the real struggle.

Enjoy your day. Here it's sunny and COLD. Bright blue skies, dazzlingly bright snow, frigid wind.

Thank the gods for for hot coffee, a comfy chair, and a good book. Which I will enjoy between doping laundry, making sure my son does his homework, and cooking dinner.

I lead quite the exciting life, no?

 

Not everyone wants an exciting life.


Hope and promises. I believe in both.eace:

 

Not want an exciting life? That's CRAZY talk! No wait...THAT'S crazy talk. :google:

Actually, I like to get excited about all the boring stuff in my life. I've been teaching math for 21 years, and I'm STILL pumped about work. I'm fixing to go see La and her 2 1/2 month old son, Troy. :joy:

Why would there not be hope?

On the other hand, I usually don't change anything on the basis of a promise. True promises don't have to be spoken, though often they should be.

(Incidently, Gaear's post: Thrommel #29, is a good example of this.)

 

My thinking on the subject:

IMO, hope exists when people succeed or have faith. Repeated failure does not generate hope, unless faith or trust steps in. In my book, faith is fickle and has to be worked at, it doesn't come easily. When things are hard, keeping faith is the most difficult; there has to be some trust or promise that success (read: goal) is within reach or possible.

Promises are based on trust, and I think trust is based upon honesty, even honesty that is painful (as long as it isn't deliberately used to wound). I agree that promises should be spoken; reading between the lines doesn't always lead to trust, it often leads to confusion. Once spoken, however, I generally trust the promise.

Fear, though, cuts trust and faith to pieces. Fear seems to require constant reassurance. I have a lot of fear. I need a lot of reassurance. Hope can wash away fear. I just talked myself around in a circle, heh. So maybe I don't know anything. So what? I still choose to believe in both of them, hope and promises.

 

Don't forget REPEATED failure is caused by hope.

Faith or trust is either based on past performance (logic), or it is simply some form of insanity. :shrug:

In most cases, true promises were already made, and even kept, before they are spoken. So trust is justified. But, since a promise is the ackowledgement of a debt of some kind, it often should be spoken.

Not knowing or not being sure can cause the worst fear. So, speaking a promise can help.