Relationship Rant Thread

Your first name is "iyield"? Sounds Swedish. Mmmm...

 

I don't know...she has a lot of experience...you become an 'astute judge of charactor' IMO, you aren't born that way. But you may be right, in a different manner. She's a game player, and has a lot of 'street smarts.' I've never been interested in playing the type of games she plays...but I haven't lived her life, either.

If I was to describe her as a D&D character, I'd say she was a fallen Paladin with casting abilities (Illusion and Glamor spells), who has redeemed herself, but has occasional lapses.

Sure a good thing that you don't get timed out on this forum. I'm taking a long time because I am thinking hard and trying to be honest. I keep wanting to lie. You are right, I think, that I haven't met many men who have 'game' and wit/intel. I haven't been looking in the right places.

 

We are a 30 year old, well-organized international organization. With just what you said, you could EASILY track me down by phone or e-mail.

On the other point:

NOT having a few days (weeks) of grief would be worrisome.

 

To clarify...I don't mean looking, exactly. I've been immersed in a closed community that excludes men who have both qualities of wit/intel and 'game.' That's the light bulb moment that I was thinking so hard about.

And I know better than to trust dating services, Facebook and forums. (I am generally the one dispensing the "don't look here or there" advice...so it feels odd to have someone saying it to me!)

No...I have a friend who belongs to an alternative community of people...fairly liberal people...men and women who are establishing an unofficial, non-registered, working egalitarian community, and my friend has been trying to 'back door' me into this community for awhile. (And no, it's not a commune or anything like that, or a cult.) I've been resisting. I'm thinking I should should stop resisting.

Chemistry comes first. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. It would be nice, though, if the wit/intel was part of the chemistry. And intuition is my strongest talent. When I shut the yapping up (the internal dialogue), I am amazed at what I know.

I do like confidence. I don't like take-over guys. Either ask me if I want to switch the TV channel, or throw away the remote. Don't assume you are going to drive, ask me if I want to, and don't pout or fume if I want to, or feel emasculated. And really be interested in what I have to say rather than trying to out-debate me.

I don't know about being protective, per se. I don't really like being protected, unless it is necessary. (I lived in one place where it was necessary...I was totally unaware of the cultural restrictions.) Maybe the guy needs to feel protective?

He'd damn well better have my back...though. Because I'll have his. No question, there. Maybe that's what you and HK mean.

 

lo, I am largely Swedish by inheritance. The rest is a hodgepodge of English, Irish, Welsh and Scot. (My maternal grandmother's side of the family evidently moved around a lot.) There are hotly contested rumors that our family has Native American blood. And, finally, there is a very small smidgeon of French. Teeny, tiny. And the record stops there.

 

My last name came from Scotland, ten generations ago. The ruins of our old castle are on the edge of Renfrew, near the Glasgow airport. The written records go back to about the time of the Norman invasion.

The rest (1023/1024ths) is a similar hodge-podge of North Europeans, including Svenska, with a little of this and that thrown in. You can't tell by me, but I'm supposed to be 1/32 Cherokee ( S Tenessee). Two of my sisters show, though. Most of the people with my last name are blood-kin, it's kind of a rare name.

 

That listing is in error, that guy is not the commander. They updated the name and number, but not the title. (more metagaming)

You'd want that in any partnership. But, I think that it's instinctive in this one. After fathering a few children, hubby's job includes providing a tasty snack for the saber-toothed tiger while mom and the kids slip out the back of the cave. And keeping those evil leaves away from the house.

Are there ANY good cults?

 

Hello? It's called being considerate. I don't think I expect anyone to be perfect. And the 'first try' aspect should be long gone by the time the remote issue comes up. Well. Maybe not. Difficult to get my mind around that one.

In my book, it's more a matter of obligation than protection.

I don't get this. I really don't. GA82's analogy doesn't feel right, either. I mean think about it. Mom cave-woman is likely doing her best to bring down or scare off the saber-tooth tiger, right along with dad caveman. And maybe a couple of the kid cavesiblings are right in there with mom and pop. Throwing stones, if nothing else.

Is this behavior (because it is behavior you are talking about) to impress other men, maybe? And whose behavior. His or her's?

I'd like to know more about this idea of men being taught to protect.

Where is H.K.?

 

You are correct. We need a laugh spoiler(?). Sometimes I'm taken too seriously. My analysis is nonsense. It was meant as a hyperbole. :errf:

The correct model is a division of responsibility and effort. Everyone has roles and everyone helps others with their roles. Failures in responsibility are negotiated.

Our "cavemen" would indeed join together to defend the cave. When the tiger focuses on one of them, the others attack from the flank immediately. This continues until the tiger leaves or becomes food. Similar to Guardian Angel tactics.

Men are taught to take care of their friends. And not to hit girls (back). Some of this comes from men tending to resolve conflicts through competition, while women tend to communication. These are only tendencies.

I think HK is in Argentina.

 

Sorry.

Ah. This makes sense. Teamwork vs solitary effort. Thanks.

 

Please, don't apologize.

The "traditional" roles don't work. Somebody gets overloaded, and has to get help. The other has to help, not criticize. There has to be room for solitary effort, too. Otherwise, someone gets smothered. No two partnerships are alike.

When I was in the service, units were just beginning to be sexually segregated. Honestly, I wasn't sure that was a good idea. But, I learned that the mind and the skills are more important than a penis.

Once, I tagged along on another unit's recon patrol during an FTX. They were very good and worked well together. The only thing is, I kept looking at their Ratelo's butt. This had me worried at first, until I got a clue. You can guess why. :blink: